Now What?

Holy Shit!  I just walked out of my 15 year management job!  I just fucking walked out!  I sat in my car outside the store bawling my eyes out.  It was very surreal. Did I really just do that?  That was so out of character!  I felt so many emotions rushing through me:

scared
excited
liberated
free
proud
accomplished
terrified
crazy

All these feelings were swirling around inside my head and my stomach.  I suddenly felt sick.  Then I felt giddy.  I started laughing.  Laughing hard.  The store I was at for my little meeting with my boss happened to be run by my best friend.  She saw me booking it out of the store bawling my eyes out and came running out after me.

"What the fuck just happened?!"

I was laughing and tears were streaming down my face.  "I quit."  "I fucking did it!"  "I fucking quit!"  hahahahahahahaha.  My friend looked at me as if I was coming unhinged right in front of her eyes ( I kind of was....)  She got in the car and sat in the passenger seat and said "Oh my god, what are you going to do?!"  As my best friend she knew all too well how miserable I was and how badly I wanted out of that job.  I think she was cautiously optimistic but concerned at the same time.  "I don't know, but I feel friggin awesome!"  She smiled and we took a ride to get lunch.

When we got to the restaurant I had a beaming smile and my eyes were red and swollen from crying so hard.  Quite the oxymoron.  I went in and proudly told the cashier at the counter that I had literally just walked out of my 15 year management job.  LOL!  Who knows why I felt the need to do that but I felt like I was walking on air!  I was freeeeeeee!  For the first time in 15 years I was free!  I wanted to tell the world!  The cashier said "Wow good for you!  I think you deserve a cookie!"  And she gave me a free chocolate chip cookie!  I will never forget that moment.  The moments just after I had made one of the biggest and scariest decisions of my life.

The days that followed were a blur.  I had to make some decisions regarding healthcare and what to do with my retirement plan.  I called the company I had worked for and put in a formal complaint about the way I was treated by my boss.  I applied for unemployment.  I took tons of phone calls from the many friends I had made along the way during my 15 year career that had just found out what happened.  I SLEPT IN!  For the first time in a long time I slept in until whatever time I wanted and I did not set an alarm!  I can't even express what an amazing feeling it was for the first little while that my body would automatically wake up at my usual "ass crack of dawn" time and I would realize I didn't have to go back to that shithole!  I really don't have to go back!

I spent TIME with my son.  REAL TIME.  I sat down on the floor and colored with him and played play doh with him and we watched paw patrol and I took him to the park.  My son was almost 2 years old and I felt like it was the first time I really got to spend time with him.  My 2 year old son actually said to me "I'm so glad you're home mama"  That sealed the deal for me.  That's it.  I am never going back to a job like that again.  Never.  I am never letting someone else dictate how and when I can spend time with my son.  I am never again letting someone else determine my worth.  I am never again giving my blood, sweat, tears and dedication to someone who doesn't appreciate it.  I'm doing me.  Screw everyone else.   I'm going out on my own.  I'm starting my own business.